man ray's famous violin photograph... i'm getting a tattoo like that one day.

solarization

observatory time...

Currently Reading Anna Karenina (Oprah's Book Club) By Leo Tolstoy see related

¢¾from kimisha of course. that banging hot mama. 

10 REALLY RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME

1. i hate milk. i only drink chocolate milk. & i only drink chocolate milk because i wanna get taller & be healthy & what not.
2. i come up with these names for each member of my family. they change often. but i try to stick to one. why i do this, i don't know. my dad's names have included: al jabar, sarah (which was pretty funny), i called him by his first name at one time-michael, i called him atticus too, from to kill a mockingbird... currently it's yoko. it's hilarious calling him yoko. right now i call my mom tofu. & i call my brother numerous things. right now it's juan. it's been juan for awhile.
3. i love the cello. i think it sounds beautiful & looks beautiful & i have a desire to play it.
4. i love jazz. not smooth jazz. but that up beat jazz or the easy listening jazz. like michael buble & diana krall. I also love spanish music. i swear my station's el zol 99.1 half of the time. i like all kinds of music.  
5. when i watch soccer i talk to myself... BADLY. i don't talk to myself i talk to the television. this is what it sounds like: "COME ON COME ON COME ON GET IT. right there *points to the screen* AHHHHH COME ON! alright alright, take it slow, you got you got it, AHHHH IDIOT! naw naw, that wasn't a foul." & so on... .
6. i think one of the funniest movies is anchorman. i love all the quotes from that movie. "I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE OVARY!" "WELL IF YOU WERE A MAN, I'D PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!" "OH GOD, WHY IS IT SO DAMN HOT OUT HERE?! milk was a bad choice..." "i friggin love you ron!! i friggin love you too!" "what? you pooped in the refrigerator? AND you ate a whole block of cheese? wow. i'm not even mad. that's impressive." "MM THIS BURRITO IS DELICIOUS BUT IT SURE IS FILLING!" "OH BAXTER I AM SO HAPPY YOU'RE BACK I WILL LICK YOUR FACE!" hahahahha. ... i also think the part in along came polly where ben stiller's in the bathroom w/o toilet paper & he considers using the ferret as a substitute is hilarious.
7. i am in the prince william youth advisory council. & i'm really glad i am. because i can help the kids around the area & all that good stuff... & i get to talk to the press  & i get to go on tv sometimes.
8. i, like many other girls, think johnny depp is a beautiful man. along w/ adrien brody & russel crowe. & jude law.
9. i have a knack for pronunciation...  i have a good ear & i can easily imitate languages. i have a good spanish accent & i can speak korean pretty well now... well sort of. everyone knows i love to do "my accents", which include the russian prostitute, fran drescher, the jewish new yorkan, hahah, english, french, mexican... i've been working on the japanese tourist.
10. I have a fetish for European guys. if they're black, bonus point. if they date me & take me to their home country, +2 pts. OOOOH so hot. 
 


9 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART

1. Stimulating intellectual conversation. (intelligence)
2. humor. & lots of it.  
3. empathy
4. has to have some things in common w/ me
5. likes to have fun... dancing, partying, going out.  
6. appreciation for the arts. (music, literature, etc.)
7. is friendly to everyone. doesn't have a stereotype like 'emo' or 'ghetto' or whatever. he should be an all around guy... outgoing & down to earth.
8. impulsive at the right times. meaning not impulsive about important decisions...
9. give me your love, time & energy. know how to get a lady. i mean, every girl wants to be told she's beautiful & awesome & you know all of that good stuff.

8 THINGS I CARRY/WEAR EVERYDAY

1. underwear...
2. chapstick.
3. deoderant.
4. hairtie on the wrist.
5. clothes.
6. make up.
7. lotion.
8. ---. 

7 THINGS THAT ANNOY ME

1. hypocracy. even though it's hard to help it.
2. liars.
3. things i don't understand.
4. mexican laborers checking me out. DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A LIBRARY?
5. guys who just wanna fuck & run
6. racism. whether against black people or white people or religion or whatever.
7. ignorance.

6 PLACES I'VE VISITED

1. bangkok
2. tokyo
3. guam
4. china
5. hawaii
6. koh samui

5 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1. live all over europe after college.
2. go to the college of my choice.
3. perform musically & get a standing ovation...
4. get married to someone i truly love & have lots of kids. & name my daughters india & scarlett, & name my sons jack & adrien... WHAT A FREAK! *throws pie at sydney's face*
5. join the peace corps
6. have some success in soccer
7. jump off a waterfall... or off a cliff in thailand.. into the water of course. my bro & dad did that. crazy bastards. i decided not to go because there was a naked european woman in the water. i just didn't feel too comfortable.
8. get STRAIGHT A's
9. help the world somehow... possibly politically, economically. less pollution. most def.

4 THINGS I'M AFRAID OF

1. bombs, weapons.
2. failing... in anything i wish not to fail in.
3. being w/o friends, or love.
4. the world suddenly ending... by any cause

3 THINGS I DO EVERYDAY

1. eat.
2. think. 
3. wake my brother up by yelling "JUAN!" continuously until he says i'm up. HAHAH. it's so much fun. my house is crazy.  


2 THINGS I'M TRYING NOT TO DO NOW

1. curl my toes on top of the carpet... it's a habit & it always makes my toes feel weird... WHAT A FREAK! .
2. stay on the internet

1 PERSON I WANT TO SEE NOW

1. i want to see someone really badly... but i'm afraid i can't. & i'm afraid i won't for until next summer. isn't it strange how short of a time you can spend with someone but you still dwell on them for so long afterwards?

i'm going to see charlie & the choco factory tonight w/ yoko. (yoko=dad if you don't remember reading it above).

I'M OFF TO GERMANY THEN BRUSSELS THEN PARIS!

i shall indulge in the couture & vogue & food & architecture & i shall buy tons of expensive lacy french lingerie & shoes & clothes & i shall bask in the culture & regal beauty of EUROPE. then i shall return a changed, more sophisticated WOMAN. 

i will take pictures... pray that i have a safe flight. i'm sort of nervous... thunderstorms for tomorrow night  i shouldn't be nervous though. i've been on tons of flights.... but whatever.

love to all ¢¾

late last night i was looking through the 2004 SAHS yearbook for some reason. & i came across some quotes that were in the senior section of the yearbook.

"I always tell the truth, even when I lie."
-Tony Montana, "Scarface"

"I once thought that I had mono for an entire year.  It turned out i was just really bored."
-wayne, "wayne's world"

"What we do in life echoes in eternity."
-maximus, "gladiator"

"carpe diem, seize the day."
-Robin williams, "dead poet's society"

"My heart is ready father, my heart is ready."
-jesus, "the passion of the christ"

"a ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are for."
-John a. shedd

"imagine if you suddenly learned that the people, the places, the moments most important to you were not gone, not dead, but worse: had never been.  What kind of life would that be?"
-dr. rosen, "a beautiful mind"

"get busy living or get busy dying."
-red, "the shawshank redemption"

"Look inside of yourself.  You are more than what you have become."
-Mufasa, "the lion king"

"every moment is another chance."
-anonymous

some of them are corny. but whatev. i enjoyed them.

i might be finally getting a job. *SCORE* as a referee.... so that's pretty awesome. i get to choose when i wanna work, i can get paid up to $35/ game, it's something i like to do... so i think i hit the jackpot. now i just have to go take a 19 hour course on how to ref. & then i'll be all ready to go.

you know. i'm feeling like typing. so i'm gonna put down some more things that i find interesting... or whatever. you know?

excerpts from f. scott fitzgerald's "this side of paradise" (one of my favorite books, by the way):

Each life unfulfilled, you see,
  It hangs still, patchy and scrappy;
We have not sighed deep, laughed free,
  Starved, feasted, despaired--been happy.

  When Vanity kissed vanity, a hundred happy Junes ago, he pondered o'er her breathlessly, and, that all men might ever know, he rhymed her eyes with life and death:
  "Thru Time I'll save my love!" he said... yet Beauty vanished with his breath, and, with her lovers, she was dead...Ever his wit and not her eyes, ever his art and not her hair:  "Who'd learn a trick in rhyme, be wise and pause before his sonnet there"... So all my words, however true, might sing you to a thousandth June, and no one ever know that you were Beauty for an afternoon.

(sorry, i don't get it?)

(a conversation inside a head)
Q.-Can you live?
A.-I can't imagine not being able to.  People make money in books and I've found that I can always do the things that people do in books.  Really they are the only things I can do.
Q.-Be definite.
A.-I don't know what I'll do-nor have I much curiosity.  Tomorrow I'm going to leave New York for good.  It's a bad town unless you're on top of it.
Q.-Do you want a lot of money?
A.-No. I am merely afraid of being poor.
Q.-Very afraid?
A.-Just passively afraid.
Q.-Where are you drifting?
A.-Don't ask me!
Q.-Don't you care?
A.-Rather.  I don't want to commit moral suicide.
Q.-Have you no interests left?
A.-None.  I've no more virtue to lose.  Just as a cooling pot gives off heat, so all through youth and adolescence we give off calories of virtue.  That's what's called ingenuousness.
Q.-An interesting idea.
A.-That's why a "good man going wrong" attracts people.  They stand around literally warming themselves at the calories of virtue he gives off.  Sarah makes an unsophisticated remark and the faces simper in delight-"How inncocent the poor child is!"  They're warming themselves at her virtue.  But Sarah sees the simper and never makes that remark again.  Only she feels a little colder after that.
Q.-All your calories gone?
A.-All of them.  I'm beginning to warm myself at other people's virtue.
Q.-Are you corrupt?
A.-I think so.  I'm not sure.  I'm not suer about good and evil at all anymore.
Q.-Is that a bad sign in iteself?
A.-Not necesssarily.
Q.-What would be the test of corruption?
A.-Becoming really insincere-calling myself "not such a bad fellow," thinking I regretted my lost youth when I only envy the delights of losing it.  Youth is like having a big plate of candy.  Sentimentalists think they want to be in the pure, simple state they were in before they ate the candy.  They don't.  They jsut want the fun of eating it all over again.  The matron doesn't want to repeat her girlhood-she wants to repeat her honeymoon.  I don't want to repeat my innocence.  I want the pleasure of losing it again.

um yeah. that's enough for now..

Currently Listening Carencro By Marc Broussard see related

shalom.

last night i went to a stevie nick's / vanessa carlton concert. my dad got these free tickets so i decided to go. i was probably the only 14 year old there... amongst a crowd of late 20-50 year olds. well anyways. it was at the nissan pavillion.. which was a pretty sweet pavillion. anyways. so vanessa carlton opened for stevie nicks. i was so happy i got to see her play. she's really funny. "this song is for anyone whose in a relationship that their mother or the government doesn't approve of." & she played a few of her new songs that are going to come out on her next album... they were all really nice. & then stevie nicks came on. she was pretty cool. everyone loved her.

lately i've been into hip hop (again). i don't know why. i think it's mills's fault... but whatever. i think i like hip hop because it makes me happy. & it makes me dance. & therefore when i dance i get happy. so. rock is sort of... how you say... DEPRESSING. sometimes. it just depends on what you listen to. but for now i'd rather be listening to hip hop & r&b & reggae &... other things.

hm... so i've been lazy lately. i need to get out & exercise... i mean sure i had about a year's amount of exercise in a week because of soccer academy but i feel really icky when i don't run around & play soccer. i get tired too easily & i feel like i smell.  anyways.

so i've decided i wanna try to get a career in music. at least once in my life. maybe when i'm in college i can dj or something... that or i wanna produce & mix music. or i want to be a solo artist that plays a ton of instruments & makes her own music. like i could play the violin & piano & i could learn the drums & i could mix my own music. & i could play guitar. or i could get my own guitar & bassist. yeah. so i figured out the difference between getting a job in music & just getting a job like... being a doctor or a lawyer or something. your self expression is limited when you have a conventional job but if you're a musician or an artist or an author you can express whatever you want. but i guess  it just depends on who you are. maybe when you're a lawyer you are expressing yourself. & yourself is like... justice. or law. or whatever. YOU GET?

i need to change my layout. i'm probably going to get a pre-made one that's really... happy & sunny. this one is depressing & i dont even like thursday that much anymore. taste in music has changed. & i'm going to change the song. this one gets old.

i'm in love with this song. called empty. i think it's something that we've all experienced once.

How could it be that you know me
My deepest fears my fantasies
Confide in you what no one knows
But it feels so real
(when I close my eyes)
I can see your face
(when I lick my lips)
I can taste your smile
(when I see your name)
My heart starts to race
(if I can’t read your thoughts)
Then I feel empty
(when I close my eyes)
I feel empty
(when I close my eyes)
Is this a new way to love
Never face to face, is it enough?
Does it really count, or am I a fool?
So tell me please, am I wasting my time?
Your phrases
Descriptive
And through the textured words
With beauty
You post it
And use such colored verbs
We’ve never met
Ooh
I’m rushin home to turn you on
Sometimes you’re there sometimes you’re gone
Wait for hours for your return
So tell me please, am I wasting my time?
Your phrases
Descriptive
And through the textured words
With beauty
You post it
And use such colored verbs
So tell me you think that maybe we’ve gone insane?
To find a, a lover and through the words of pain
We’ve never met
Ooh
When I lick my lips
I can taste your smile
My heart starts to race
I can taste your smile
(when I close my eyes)
Damn, disconnected

i'm changing my song to "cool" by gwen. it reminds me of san diego for some reason...

well anyways. I'M LEAVING. bye

___________________________________________

hahahah. i found this on a girl's site. i apologize to any mexicans.

this is very true... except one part. from the lovely monica yangster<3 i lurve you

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

The seriousness of your love:

Your views on education

The right job for you:

How do you view success:

What are you most afraid of:

Who is your true self: